This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
