I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
