I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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