She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
