Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
