meet me or not, i'm out of control
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
