a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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