By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
