Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
