There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize