i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
