i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
