and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
be right there i have to get my cape
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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