dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
