if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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