A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's not cheating when I paid for it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
