u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
