My hair reeks of homosexuality.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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