operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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