so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had sex on a roof
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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