my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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