im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
