I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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