vagina is talking i cant
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
