I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize