they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
