Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
