every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How naked do you want me to be?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize