sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
