what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
