I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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