I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
