I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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