So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
