Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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