I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
