some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
