Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
