wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
