wrigley field is MILF paradise
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize