I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
