My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
