what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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