woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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