god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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