I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize