dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
