Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize