what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
