Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
