im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
