Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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