you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize