we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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