i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
