I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
