oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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