so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
