So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
