??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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