Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize