youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
