And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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