The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
