I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize