I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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