My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
