you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
