There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
