Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
