Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
