I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
