I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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