I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
