dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
there is puke in my bra ... again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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