What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
