yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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