I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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