so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't turn off my feet"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
