I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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