apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
worst night to have a conscience
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
