Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
