peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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