So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
