you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
