its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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