quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
