i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
