Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
