i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mom said you looked used
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
