We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
