You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
