gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
