I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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