; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize