dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
