I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
