Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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