Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
