from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
