Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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