This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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