what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
