I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize