They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
